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Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

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Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

You could completely call at your commitments in the work you are writing. The planet hopes for extra amorous freelance writers that you so , who aren't scared to share the direction they are convinced. Usually pursue your core.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

It is easy to positively call at your responsibility on the give good results you write. The globe desires for even more enthusiastic novelists as you so , who aren't anxious to say where did they believe. At all times chase a heart.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

You could entirely call at your commitment in your operate you're writing. Society hopes for additional amorous copy writers as you exactly who aren't afraid to say the way they imagine. Continually track a cardiovascular system.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

You could unquestionably call at your loyalty with the job you are writing. The modern world desires alot more excited freelancers such as you what individuals might not be frightened to converse the way they assume. Invariably follow an individual's center.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

You are able to definitely call at your loyalty with the operate you write. The entire world wants a lot more zealous consultants such as you whom aren't scared to suggest the direction they presume. Generally do ones own cardiovascular system.

You possibly can absolutely see your determination around the operate you are writing. The modern world desires a great deal more keen internet writers like your story just who aren't frightened to imply the way they think. Constantly go after any cardio.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

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Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

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I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

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If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

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Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

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It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

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I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

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If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

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An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Between me and my husband we've owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I've settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

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If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

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My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

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A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

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Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

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There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

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The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

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Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

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You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

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It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

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One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

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In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

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Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

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They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

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I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

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Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

Certainly. And I have faced it. Let's discuss this question. Here or in PM.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

Wow, this was very fun to read. Have you ever considered submitting articles to magazines?

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

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I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

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If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

I consider, that you are mistaken. I can defend the position. Write to me in PM, we will communicate.

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The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

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A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

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Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

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If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

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If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

Little things please little minds

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

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Yes, all is logical

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

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Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

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Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

Thanks, has left to read.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

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Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

This phrase is necessary just by the way

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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

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If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

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If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

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It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

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I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

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If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

I can not participate now in discussion - there is no free time. But I will return - I will necessarily write that I think on this question.

Usually I do not read post on blogs, but I wish to say that this write-up very forced me to try and do so! Your writing style has been surprised me. Thanks, quite nice post.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

ThreeMinus

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

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Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

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Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

Unequivocally, excellent answer

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

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Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

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What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

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You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

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The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

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Between us speaking, I would address for the help to a moderator.

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We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

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Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

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It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

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I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

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So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

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Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Keep working ,fantastic job!

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

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Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

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If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

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Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

Unsuccessful idea

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

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Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

It’s onerous to find educated people on this subject, but you sound like you understand what you’re speaking about! Thanks

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

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I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

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Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

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Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

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Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

Nature abhors a vacuum

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

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Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

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Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Motoryzacyjny rynek zmósil nas do innowacji i otworzyliœmy Skup Samochodów, który dziala na terenie calej Polski.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

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If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

There is noticeably a bundle to know about this. I assume you made certain nice factors in options also.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

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Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

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A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

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The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

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Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

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My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

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That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

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Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

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Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

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You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

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A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

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Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

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Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

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They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

A partir de qué colchón se puede uno dedicar al poker y dejar el curro? Sobre todo teniendo en cuenta que está mal pagado, que no es que yo tenga acciones de Microsoft.

Es posible jugar a casino gratis por internet, tienes una selección de casinos en ese enlace.

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Las reglas de la tragaperras.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

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I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

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Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

There's a time and a place for everything

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

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When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

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Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

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One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Nice and interesting article but if you like animals invite you to Doberman Puppies certainly learn a lot of interesting things about them.

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This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like 'Mixview' that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you're listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of "neighbors" will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune "Social" is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.

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Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Two is company, but three's a crowd

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

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A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

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I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

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In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

This actually answered my problem, thank you!

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

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Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

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Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

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Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

The truth is more important than the facts.

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Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

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If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

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Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

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Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

He who fights and runs away may live to fight another day.

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First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

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Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

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A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

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I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

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To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

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It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

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If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

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If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

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If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

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The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be actually something that I think I would never understand. It seems too complicated and very broad for me. I'm looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of it!

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

I am not young enough to know everything.

I am not young enough to know everything.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

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Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

I am not young enough to know everything.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

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Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

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In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

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Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

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Black holes are where God divided by zero.

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If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

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There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

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And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

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I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

There is nothing in this world that quite measures up to meeting up with a nice new lady that one can share a wonderful connection with.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Nice read, I just passed this onto a friend who was doing some research on that. And he just bought me lunch because I found it for him smile Thus let me rephrase that: Thank you for lunch!

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

Public networking Websites: use twitter, Facebook, MySpace to advertise your videos.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

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A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

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Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

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I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

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Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

This actually answered my problem, thanks!

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

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I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

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Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

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The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

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Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

You made some fine points there. I did a search on the subject matter and found nearly all persons will go along with with your blog.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

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Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

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Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

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God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

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Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

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A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

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Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

You are professional.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

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Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

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Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

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They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

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If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

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Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

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There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

Global warming is real. It is happening today. It is being charted by our satellites. It is being charted by our scientists. It is being charted by those of us in this body, and I think the real key is if we are ready to admit that fact and take the action to make the necessary conversion.

I am not young enough to know everything.

I am not young enough to know everything.

I am not young enough to know everything.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

I like this post, enjoyed this one appreciate it for putting up.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

this is going to be fun... You snooze you loose

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

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Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

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I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Intriguing story. I tend to agree with your stance on the problems, generally. I do believe you could have gone much more in depth though. Subscribed.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

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We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

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Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

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If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

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Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

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